Dear Margaux, 3

blank that's what my mind is right now i don't know why but every time i think of you today my mind just goes blank like its shutting down like it doesn't wanna hurt anymore. why, is the only question i can ask, why does the pain that was so overwhelming now feel like a numb sensation like nothing is real. i can not understand i wanna feel cause i would rather feel the pain of the whole in my heart left in your absence than nothing at all i just cant grasp the idea cant wrap it around my head............................................wow just right now my first time alone all day i finally felt it all at once. all the pain that should have been felt throughout the day hit me with one big boom of force. i love you Margaux more than anyone or anything in this world well about as much as i love the women who gave me life my mother cause without her i would not be here and who i am today and neither would you. my mother, your grandma is the most amazing women i have ever met. she is strong and hardworking, she has taught me so much. if it wasn't for her i don't think i could have been as strong as i was and i guess still am to make the decision i did for you she makes me want to do better in life just as much as you do.i hope to be that person for you in some way some day of course  that is Rob & Kate's job your mom and dad but i hope to be someone you can look up to and respect just as much as love and respect my mother. so ill try to keep going and do the best i can. but i love you and miss you Margaux.

MUCH LOVE
BIOLOGICAL MOMMY
RACHEL