when pain is felt from a loss, people say it will fade and you will think about that person less and less, but it has not, because everyday i think more and more about you. the pain is sometimes overwhelming. saturday someone asked your name so i told them that when i named you it was Viridiana Marie but now your name is Margaux Violet. they asked me why i changed it and so i told them that i didnt the adpotive family did and they called me a horrible mother that i should never give up my child and that was the hardest thing to take because i love you more than you will ever know or begin to understand and that is why i did what i did but after he said that i couldnt hold my tears in any longer i couldnt put a smile on my face and pretend i was happy anymore i bursted into tears the worst of it was is that i couldnt control it no matter how hard i try to be strong and hold my head up high i will always crash as a wave does after it hits its highest point it falls, crashes to the shore to go back and repeat the cycle. in life there are choices to make and i will always know in my heart i made the right one but i will always feel the bittersweet feeling behind the choice and i will always remember your beautiful face from the moment you picked your head opened your eyes and looked at me from across the room you gave me hope something and someone to believe in no one has ever sturred something like that in me ever. so you were my savior my angel sent from God in all his grace you were my mirical and rob and kates too also there beautiful family that you are now apart of. you are always in my heart and mind and my familys too....i shouldnt say just my family they are yours to forever and always my little baby girl i love you with all my heart i hope you always know and are able to one day understand that this is why i did this why you have others who love you just as much as i do taking care of you it was because i wanted us to both be able to grow and thrive in spite of what life has handed us and to live eachday to the fullest and never give up because life is so precious and you taught me that with out speaking or being able to communicate much you taught me what i have been trying to learn for 5 years you are the greatest gift to me and it means so much that i will be able to be around and watch you grow over time and im hoping to see you soon i love you my little angel and miss you every moment of everyday for the rest of my life
MUCH LOVE
BIOLOGICAL MOMMY
RACHEL
You should never have to feel bad about doing what you think is best for your child. People should not judge this decision as "bad parenting," but rather as a mature realization that the best thing for your baby is to be with another family. I'm sure that this is a very difficult thing to deal with right now, but someday your daughter will thank you for giving her a life that you knew you couldn't.
ReplyDeletethank you i mean honestly i wish everyday of my life that i could have kept her but i know i couldn't i know it was for the best but it gets very hard and that is why im blogging so she also sees when she gets old enough why i did this and every emotion i felt while i was going through this
ReplyDeletePeople who say you did a terible thing only say that because they've never walked in your shoes before. Lift your head up high and know that YOU GAVE LIFE and YOU CHOOSE to give her the best chance to living it! You are a hero!
ReplyDeleteIm just reading through your blog now for the first time... I remember this day, but he is super ignorant and is in no position to be concerned with what you choose to do with your baby.
ReplyDeleteThroughout your life, youre gonna learn that people wont always agree with you or the decisions you make. You know that both of our families wouldve definitely loved having the baby with us, but you, as her MOTHER & her father made the best decision you guys could, for her sake. Even though it hurts a lot, I guess as a parent, those are the things you do for your children. Regardless of how it'll make you feel, your child comes first. You did the best thing you could, now just keep doing well so she will always have you to look up to!! Love you crazy girl