December First Visit With Margaux Violet!!!

(above: my sister brook with my baby girl Margaux Violet)

(above:my older sister cassy and me with Margaux Violet)

(above: my wonderful mother patty me my sisters cassy and brook with Margaux Violet)

(above: cassy me and brook all smiling at Margaux Violet)

(above: me feeding Margaux Violet)

(above: me kissing my little baby girl Margaux Violet)

Margaux i love you and miss you very much btw these pics are from my first visit with her back in December. anyway God bless to all and i hope you enjoy <3  

DEAR MARGAUX, 7

it has been so long since i have written a blog entry but baby girl it just means i have been busy. i miss you and everyday my thoughts are consumed with you your laugh your smile your face. its getting better the pain but sometimes it hits me hard like the other day i was in a store and happened to wander into the baby section and at that moments i wanted you there so bad that if i closed my eyes i could almost feel your baby soft skin against my fingertips it was weird margaux i wanna hold you in my arms i wanna be the one to wake up every few hours to feed you and take care of you i wanna be the one to who is exhausted everyday from lack of sleep even though it would be perfectly fine because i would have you smiling in my arms. i wish i could have been everything you needed me to be but i guess in the end i am i gave you life i gave you a family that will care for you always and are not struggling. they can give you anything you need or want while i could not but i gave you what i could....a better life so we can both be better stronger people and exceed life's expectations. i will always love you and miss you my little angel my saving grace i hope you will let me be there for you when your old enough to understand i always want to be in your life i never wanted to leave you but i had to do what was best for you and your life you are more important to me than my own self. did you know that while i was pregnant with you i tried to protect you at every turn i was scared to step into a street cause if a car hit me i was scared for you i mean i did care if i died i want to see you grow up but you mattered more than my self. i also fell once while i was pregnant i was walking down a huge hill at this hospital going to go visit my uncle Stephen and it was raining and i had slipped and was falling forward almost on you but i spun my self around so i would hurt myself not you even with a huge man and my mother helping me up it took me like 5 mins to try and get up i was scared but you were just fine obviously and absolutely beautiful. i know these long boring stories i just want you to know and understand why i did this that it is because i love you so much and i never want you to suffer EVER. you are my light and i hope to be yours to baby i love you with all my heart and missing you more than i could ever say and i will see you in may OMG its so far it makes me wanna cry i love you margaux violet with all my heart mind and soul 

MUCH LOVE

BIOLOGICAL MOMMY

RACHEL